A TOP parenting expert has warned mothers that being too possessive of their sons and not letting men be strong father figures can be detrimental to their boys’ upbringing.
The frank advice comes from parenting expert No?l Janis-Norton in her new book Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys.
这一直白的建议来自婴幼儿教育专家诺埃尔?詹尼斯?诺顿的新书《更冷静，更容易，更开心的女生》（Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys）。
According to the parenting and behavioural specialist and former teacher, fathers have much greater influence than mothers in shaping boys into well-adjusted young men – but too often mothers find it hard to back off and let dad take control.
‘Without a strong father-figure, (which could also be a step-father or grandfather), boys may struggle to learn how to express their emotions constructively, how to handle their physical strength and learn to respect others – and themselves,’ Janis-Norton tells the MailOnline.
‘Mothers need to allow dads to be dads and to have their own relationship with their children – and in particular with their boys – without trying to micromanage,’ she says.
The parenting expert, who has been credited by the likes of Helena Bonham-Carter turning her family life around, also warns mothers about being barking too many orders.
‘A boy will lose respect for the mother who appears to bossing the father around – or criticising him,’ she says.
So when Dad gets little Tommy dressed in the wrong clothes, feeds him the wrong breakfast and then starts a pillow fight should Mum just look on through gritted teeth?
‘Yes – absolutely she should!’ says Janis-Norton. ‘And the gritted teeth part comes because mums assume they know best – but actually none of us is perfect. We’ve got weaknesses too.
‘We’re not doing it right all the time. So really we shouldn’t be judging the dads!’
Despite the title of her book, the Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys author, is at pains to point out that keeping calm is not always the goal. In fact, she actively encourages play-fighting for boys
‘Mums generally don’t have an interest in play fighting and they worry someone’s going to get hurt, or feelings will get hurt, or clothes will get ripped or something will get damaged.
‘But none of that is as important as boys getting their energy out and through play fighting they learn a lot about how to fight fair.
‘They learn how to control themselves, they learn how not to be too rough – and they also learn how to make amends if it does go too far.’
‘Dads can teach boys all of that,’ she says but does advise that play fighting that is likely to become manic or annoy others in the house is best taken outside.